I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
