I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
