hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
