I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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