Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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