So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
