I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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