I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
