I forgot how hot balto sounded
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
