Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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