last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
