vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
