the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
