doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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