a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize