once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
