No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
