You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
