We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize