I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
