In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
