I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
dude. I can hear the air.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
