FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
