note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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