Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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