You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
