if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
