Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
