shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
