Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
