Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
