i think i have herpe
just one?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
