I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
