my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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