Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
