what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
