to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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