Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
