Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
