Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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