I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
