It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Randomize
