Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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