apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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