i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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