Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
