I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
