Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
