pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize