guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
