Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
