I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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