Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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