I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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