take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
