I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
