I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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