You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
