So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
