soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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