we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
