But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
