Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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