Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
