Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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