I think scott just propositioned me for sex
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
