He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
