I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
